<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m an author who believes in the power of love, laughter, and \u2014 most of all \u2014 chocolate. Why chocolate most of all? Because love and laughter is sort of up to you, but when you\u2019re stuck at home because of a deadline or a pandemic or something like that, chocolate can be hard to come by.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyway, I\u2019m not here to discuss my philosophy and complain about chocolate shortages (which can be BRUTAL on a woman\u2019s creativity), but to wow and amaze you with these five things you didn\u2019t know about me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ok, maybe WOW is a bit much. Let\u2019s just go for \u2018mildly interested\u2019 and not get over-ambitious. I only have so many words to work with here, anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
ASTOUNDING FACT #1:<\/strong> As a child, I was so accident prone that I\u2019d had three horrible, almost-died accidents by the time I was eleven. Now, as an adult, and able to don protective gear (and the occasional helmet) when needed, I\u2019m more known for my ability to tumble even when slowly creeping over a smooth surface wearing new sneakers. But as a child, I was a danger. I was hit by a car, fell off a roof, and sliced open my foot and almost bled to death \u2014 one of those happened at church, btw, which I feel is MOST unfair. I mean, if you\u2019re not safe at church, where ARE you safe?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ok, on to ASTOUNDING FACT #2:<\/strong> When I write, I \u2018see\u2019 all of the scenes in my head. I can see the clothing, the characters, hear their voices and their footsteps, and smell their soap. I know their names and ages, and how they think. They are me and I am them. It\u2019s like a Vulcan mind meld, only with one person and a pretend one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In some cultures (ours), this ability could also be described as \u2018schizophrenic.\u2019 But I prefer the European term, \u201ccreative.\u201d It just sounds better. I like to believe this ability not only helps me write more believable characters, but also helps kill time when my iPhone isn\u2019t working, which is ah, pretty much always because of various games I am addicted to \u2013 King\u2019s Isle, anyone? Dwarven Den? Suduko?<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s sad. And because I need my phone as I have children who require constant phone calls to remind them that even though they\u2019re out on their own, working at jobs in other states, I STILL know what they\u2019re doing and they must stop it immediately.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yes, Mom Eyes work THAT well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ASTOUNDING FACT #3:<\/strong> I am married to Husband 2.0, aka Cap\u2019n Hot Cop. Sadly, at a super young age of barely 22 (what WAS I thinking), I married a man I just knew would \u2018get better\u2019 if only I had patience and loved him enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I know, I know \u2014 stupid, stupid. We all know how that went \u2014 BADLY. Fortunately, I saw the error of his ways and divorced him. A year or so later, I met this super sexy hot cop and, several years after that (after making super sure he was the Real Deal), I married the man. Now, I\u2019m super happy, very cherished, and still crazy in love with Cap\u2019n Hot Cop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Btw, true story \u2013 Psychology Today published a study that proved that women who read are infinitely happier in their relationships than women who don\u2019t read. Well, just imagine how that translates to the women who write. Seriously, some of the happiest married women I know are writers. On the other hand, my don\u2019t-read-but-like-true-crime-documentaries friends are all divorced. And talk about drinking problems, too! Whew! But that\u2019s another Note and like I said, I have a limited number of words here, so I must press on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n ASTOUNDING FACT #4:<\/strong> Now that I\u2019ve bared my soul to you about Cap\u2019n Hot Cop, I\u2019m going to share another shocking secret that may make you gasp. Well, not really GASP, but you might lift your brows just the tiniest bit and murmur, \u201cReally?\u201d I (and I hesitate to say this because it might \u2018label\u2019 me, but I must) . . . I am a Leo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s right. Even though I\u2019m an avowed introvert who can happily remain cloistered at her desk for weeks at a time, when I escape, for a very short time, I become one of those chatty, always-wants-to-buy-people presents, and oh, please-let-me-talk-into-the-microphone sort of people. People love Leos even though we can be VERY annoying at times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They love us from afar. At someone else\u2019s party. And never, ever in a karaoke bar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And finally, ASTOUNDING FACT #5:<\/strong> I was once arrested.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Yup, I have a criminal record. And you thought I was a nice girl. Ha! I LAUGH at \u2018nice.\u2019 I\u2019ve done the hard time, baby. An hour and forty minutes of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Here\u2019s what happened: I was in the process of moving and I drove my children across two states to spend a week with their grandparents while I packed up our house. On the way back, I got a speeding ticket for driving a whooping 8 miles over the speed limit. In the process of moving, I lost the ticket and found it the day before it was due. So I frantically sent the fine overnight and only relaxed when I had proof that they had received it on the due date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Unknown to me, although they received it, they didn\u2019t PROCESS it until the day AFTER THAT, so they still charged me a $25 court fee and suspended my license until the fee was paid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They then sent the notice to my old address instead of the one on the letter I sent with the fine. So I never got their \u201cyour license is suspended until you pay this new fee of $25\u201d letter, so for two years I drove around with a suspended license like a hoodlum AND DIDN\u2019T KNOW IT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Two years later, I was speeding again (Hey, don\u2019t laugh \u2014 there was a shoe sale and I had a gift card. You know how it goes.) and when the cop pulled me over, he discovered I had a suspended license, which is a VERY serious charge even when it\u2019s caused by a missed $25 dollar fine that you didn\u2019t know about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So off to jail I went, handcuffed and shocked to find myself in such a predicament. At the station, I did what any other law-abiding citizen would do . . . I cried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And cried.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And cried some more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I used all of the poor officer\u2019s napkins in his cruiser.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I used all of the toilet paper at the jail (sorry, other inmates!).<\/p>\n\n\n\n I used all of the paper towels on the coffee cart in the booking station.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The only paper they had left were the forms they used to book us criminals and they weren\u2019t about to part with those babies, not for me or any other weeping, hardened criminal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I cried so well and so magnificently, that they finally put me in a solitary cell WITH THE DOOR OPEN, and gave me a free diet coke and several very awkward pats on the shoulder. Needless to say, that eventually dried my tears and shortly thereafter, I was able to check out of jail with only a slight case of sniffles and a very, very red nose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If they\u2019d only given me the diet coke when they arrested me, I probably would have only gotten a little verklempt, but no, they arrested me sans refreshments, which shocked my TDPS (Tear Duct Production System), and I began the Trail of Tears right through the booking process and on into the bail-me-out stage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I say forget wearing clean underwear all of the time in case you have an accident; no, just carry a lot of tissues. You never know if your license is suspended and the Worst Case Scenario \u2014 arrest \u2014 could happen at ANY second.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Btw, all charges were dismissed although I did have to pay the $25, so all is well that ends well. Well . . . except for the inmates who had no toilet paper (sorry, guys!). Orange really IS the new black.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So, these are FIVE ASTOUNDING FACTS<\/strong> about me. Did I shock you? You can tell me \u2026 we\u2019re all friends here. Well, we are unless you have a problem being a friend with a hardened criminal like me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I\u2019m an author who believes in the power of love, laughter, and \u2014 most of all \u2014 chocolate. Why chocolate most of all? Because love and laughter is sort of up to you, but when you\u2019re stuck at home because of a deadline or a pandemic or something like that, chocolate can be hard to… View Article<\/a>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions\/10"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.karenhawkins.com\/notes\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}